WHY
I'D LOVE TO GO TO JAIL
Source: Evening Chronicle, Newcastle
Pub date: March 22 2005
Author: Jamie Diffley
Cited: Pat Tabram http://www.ccguide.org/pattabram.php
Howard
Marks http://www.howardmarks.co.uk http://www.mrnice.co.uk
Up until the start of this year nobody had heard
of pensioner Patricia Tabram. But her cannabis cooking skills have made her
sought-after property. Jamie Diffley went to meet her.
Getting hold of Patricia Tabram was no easy
task. Ring her phone and an answering machine kicks in straight away.
"This is grandma speaking," it begins
before going on to give the number of her agent in London, the same literary
agent that looks after legendary drug-dealer Howard Marks.
Patricia Tabram is no ordinary grandma.
Since she was arrested in January, 66-year-old
Patricia has rarely been out of the media spotlight.
The grandmother-of-two's bungalow in the quiet
Northumberland village of Humshaugh, near Hexham, was raided twice last year by
police after they were tipped off about the unusual smells coming from her
kitchen. Smells caused by the
high-grade cannabis Patricia puts in her food.
For more than 18 months Patricia has been making
home-made cakes, soups and casseroles with cannabis mixed in. It is, she says,
the only effective way to relieve the pain and depression she has suffered for
almost 30 years.
The news story, exclusively revealed in the
Chronicle, caused a storm. Soon other reporters were knocking on her door. Then
the story went international.
"I had two Italian reporters round last
week," says Pat from her modest home. "One was from the biggest
magazine in Italy and he took about 300 photographs of me in different parts of
the village. He was here for three days and when he went another reporter came
round called Fabio."
Such is Patricia's fame that Fabio just turned
up in Newcastle and started asking around.
"He went to a place in Westgate Road that
sells all the paraphernalia associated with cannabis and asked if they knew
me," she says. "There was a young lad in who shouted out `that's my
grandma' and told the reporter where I live. I'm not really his grandma but a
lot of people call me that."
Her fame is set to widen even further after
signing with an agent. Patricia has written her life story and filmmakers make
sporadic appearances at her house for a new documentary which will most likely
be aired in October.
But first is the publication of her Cannabis
Cookbook, a collection of her favourite recipes with her special added
ingredient.
The contract sits on her table as we chat. It
is, as yet, unsigned. She is not happy with the finer details, apparently.
"I just want to sell the book to let people
know how to do it and what measures to use," she insists. "The agents
are going on about how I could make millions but I'm not motivated by money.
"I'm 66. What would I want with money? I
can only wear one pair of shoes at a time and I don't want to leave my
home."
Despite the intense publicity she has generated,
so far her earnings are no more than £50.
What motivates the former restaurant owner is,
she says, her message - that cannabis used for medicinal purposes is far more
effective than medicine from the NHS.
It is a message she is keen to get across, which
is why she is so up for all the publicity she can get.
When I knocked on her door I was the 87th
reporter to do so. None has ever been turned away.
She comes to the door in a her blue dressing
gown and gets changed later. She has been up early working on a new website –
http://www.grandma-eats-cannabis.co.uk/-
which she hopes to have operational by Friday. It will further boost her aims
to spread the message worldwide.
"I don't smoke cannabis. I just eat it and
it's for medical reasons," says an animated Patricia. "When I took
medication I had so many side-effects. I was put on Valium in the early days,
which just turned me into a zombie."
The Government feels the force of her wrath many
times during our chat. As do local doctors, the police and the people in the
"new stone houses" in the village. Hypocrites, she claims, who frown
on her activity and yet are "probably smoking it themselves".
Patricia does not eat cannabis to get high. She
claims it alleviates the pains in her back and neck from a car accident on the
A69.
Her depression started in 1975 when she found
her 14-year-old son Duncan dead in bed at the Edinburgh restaurant, Zodiac Centre,
she owned.
"It was a terrible time for me,
terrible," Patricia recalls. "I'm a chatterbox usually but I just
wasn't interested in anything.
"I would sit and stare out of the window
all day.
But the worst thing was, I couldn't cry. I
actually couldn't cry. I only found out years later that it was a medical
condition."
Patricia's crusade has seen her appear on TV's
Richard and Judy -"they were nice people, but I wasn't allowed to speak
about the medicines that cause the side-effects. I was disappointed with
that".
She has been on radio in Germany, Italy, New
Zealand and Colombia. But it has also brought the attention of the police.
She pleaded guilty to a single charge of
possessing cannabis with intent to supply when she appeared before a judge at
Newcastle Crown Court in December.
Patricia was due to be sentenced earlier this
month but the hearing was adjourned until April for psychiatric reports.
"They'll probably think I'm a
nutcase," is a phrase Patricia says more than once during our meeting.
Regardless what they think of her, there is a very real possibility she could
go to jail. Not that it matters to her.
"I would love to go to jail," she
says. "Then I could find out for myself just how nasty things can be for
prisoners and see their quality of life and quality of food.
After three days my aches and pains will come
back and I'll prove to the Health Minister that I was right.
"I don't need expensive drugs. I just need
cannabis."
There then follows another of Patricia's rants, which
goes on to include George Bush, the IRA and genetically-modified foods.
Patricia, she keeps telling me, is very political.
If she did go to jail, however, it would be a
massive blow for her campaign.
Since being in the spotlight Patricia says she has
received thousands of letters of support from elderly people across the
country.
Most of the village, she says, are in support of
her as well (besides the people in the stone houses) and she in turn supports
them.
The smell of a chocolate cake is overwhelming in
her kitchen, where she has made two.
One is for a 79-year-old local man whose
disability means his hands are painfully clasped together.
The special ingredient in the cake helps.
Patricia is also registered to run as an MP for
the Legalise Cannabis Alliance and has targeted Neath, in South Wales, as a
potential constituency.
"I'm not bothered about the fame or being
well-known," says Patricia.
"I'm so busy at the moment but I want to
get the message across."
Grandma is on to a winner
Patricia's agent, Katya Shipster, of David
Goodwin Associates, said her client's earnings could provide a nice little
wage.
Katya said: "We can't disclose the book
deal because of confidentiality but something like that should do well over
Christmas.
"Patricia has finished her life story but
we want to take one step at a time. The documentary is still ongoing but has
not been commissioned by
Channel Four yet.
"It is incredibly difficult to say how much
money any of our clients will make. You just can't predict how things will go
in terms of books sales but Patricia should make a nice wage out of it.
"She is very much in demand at the
moment."
Notorious drug dealer Howard Marks has sold more
than half a million copies of his autobiography Mr Nice which was first
published in 1996. He is also a regular on the speech circuit.
"Howard does his lectures independently
from us so I don't know how much he earns ," says Katya. "But
Patricia has had similar offers and it is something she is considering.
"We think Patricia could be a success in
that".