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UK: Column: A Sunday joint will never be the same again for the matrons of Morningside

Magnus Linklater

The Times

Friday 18 Jan 2002

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You could hear the hiss of intaken breath the length of
Morningside Drive. Behind the lace curtains of Murrayfield
the lips were pursed. At James Gillespie's High School,
where Miss Jean Brodie taught the "creme de la creme", they
turned their faces to the wall. For sheer vulgarity,
Edinburgh had never heard the like of it. A plan has been
proposed to introduce cannabis cafes to this, the most
respectable city in Britain, thus transforming it into the
Amsterdam of the North, a place where sex and drugs and
possibly even rock 'n' roll would take the place of a brisk
walk up Arthur's Seat on a Sunday morning. The idea is that,
with the easing of legal constraints on smoking pot,
Edinburgh would be well-placed to attract the fun-loving
youth of Europe.

To judge from early reactions, the idea has some way to go.
"Seedy", "disreputable", "undignified" were some of the
responses that greeted the suggestion, which came from Peter
Irvine, an impresario whose innovations have included rock
concerts in Edinburgh Castle, and a Hogmanay Festival on
Princes Street. He denied wanting to turn Edinburgh into a
"magnet for dopers" but said that by introducing a few cafes
where cannabis could be smoked, the city would send out a
message to the world that it was "enlightened" and
"different", just as Amsterdam has acquired a reputation as
the free-thinking capital of Europe.

His proposal was immediately condemned. "Amsterdam,"
pronounced a Tory councillor, "is sleazy and vile, so why
are we trying to emulate it?" You could see where she was
coming from. This after all, is the city where John Knox
condemned women as a frivolous sex, and gave warning that
too much dancing would incur the "displeasure of God's
people". It is where they signed the Solemn League and
Covenant, and a woman hurled a stool at the pulpit when
Archbishop Laud forbade the Presbyterian order of service.

On the other hand, the introduction of cannabis is likely to
happen anyway, for Edinburgh is a city of delightful
hypocrisy. Despite its reputation for apparently inalienable
propriety, it loves to sin. Sex thrives in its saunas and
massage parlours, and street prostitution has been given
protection in a "toleration zone" down by the docks, in an
area discreetly protected by CCTV cameras. The city has won
a reputation as the gay capital of Scotland, and has an
array of late-night clubs catering for a variety of bizarre
tastes.

This is all very much in the tradition of Mrs Dora Noyce's
well-patronised brothel in Danube Street, in the heart of
the Georgian New Town, which, within recent memory, catered
for the requirements of distinguished visitors, and is said
to have done brisk trade during the annual meetings of the
Church of Scotland General Assembly. A hundred years
earlier, the city invented the 19th-century version of lap-
dancing. The Beggar's Benison was a club in Fife, but with
branches in the city, where they celebrated Jacobite
politics and free sex. Women were paid to be "posing girls",
while their patrons proposed bawdy toasts and drank from
phallus-shaped glasses.

Edinburgh, according to Allan Massie, author of an excellent
book on the city's history, has long been "held in the grip
of a dual identity - respectable and God-fearing on the one
hand, rebellious and scornful in its debauchery on the
other". Its double-life entranced Robert Louis Stevenson who
based Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on the scandal of Deacon Brodie,
town councillor and cabinet-maker by day, burglar by night,
who was finally caught and hanged on a gibbet of his own
construction. In the early 1990s it played host to an
archetypal scandal, known as the "Magic Circle" affair,
which provoked a judicial inquiry into a louche subculture
of dubious lawyers, unscrupulous detectives and assorted
rent boys. Nothing of real substance emerged, but the whiff
of sulphur lingered long afterwards.

For all its prim reputation, it has always been quietly
permissive, and it was, therefore, not surprising to hear,
last week, a minister of the straitlaced Free Church
displaying remarkable sang-froid at the prospect of
Edinburgh becoming a pot-head city. "Historically it has
always been progressive," said Professor John McLeod,
Principal of the Free Church College. "It prides itself on
being culturally and intellectually avant-garde."

Later this year the radical publisher Kevin Williamson, who
is credited with discovering Irvine Welsh of Trainspotting
fame, plans to take the minister at his word and open the
first cannabis cafe in the city. If past experience is
anything to go by, the matrons of Morningside will utter a
brisk tut-tut, then pop in for an afternoon spliff.


 

 

 

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